Entry Submitted by Heisenberg at 3:07 PM EDT on June 3, 2017
“Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction.” -Cowboy Wisdom
And that brings us to tonight’s word: DUDE RANCH
Howdy partners and welcome to Chosen Bull Dude Ranch. I’m your host, a stereotypical cowboy with a big moustache, a 10 gallon hat and a voice that’ll soothe a herd of wild mustangs. A big Montana YEE HAW to you and your little critters visiting from the big city! Chow hall is over there, stables are over there, bunks are over there and if you look up yonder you’ll lay a gander on boot hill. I hanker we got a new headstone this week. Ole nick has gone to that dude ranch in the sky. Looks like he drew on the wrong gun. If anyone else is itching for a fight or got a stick in your craw, the local sheriff will be happy to oblige you. In fact he’s out in the street right now looking around for anyone else who wants to be fitted for a pine box. Hope for the world, you said you wanted to be next? I’m going to share with you advice given to me by Bono which got me through many a good decision (I obviously disregarded it this time).
“Careful where you aim, cause where you aim you just might hit. You can hold on to something so tightly you already lost it.” -Dirty Day
Here’s another one while I’m on a roll.
“Choose your enemies wisely for they will define you.”
Now many of those gravestones were men who wore big hats wanting to make a big name around town. Like they say on the ranch, “All hat and no cattle.” They tried to make One Who Korrals and Yosef their enemies in the hopes that it would elevate them up. However, an enemy relationship is a two way street. Those granite slabs were nothing more than a burr in Y & O’s saddle. Already forgotten. The wild west was not very forgiving. Or merciful.
There’s an article out called “the trolls are laughing at you” which states that trolls are bullies. Great, we agree so far. Also suggest we should ignore them. Okay…… So when that bully’s giving me an atomic wedgie, I should just ignore that too?
When that rat walks across my kitchen floor, I should ignore that too? Sorry, been there, tried that. Rats unchecked just take over (and I ran out of underwear). The trolls just get worse over time. Kinda like letting the hells angels start hanging out at your bar, they’ll never leave. See that sign above the register? NO WHINING AND NO TROLLS. Besides, how fun is it to watch Sir Whack A Troll go a’ whacking? Roping them doggies? Are we having fun yet?
I thought the examples of the cat and old boater would’ve been enough to shut that troll cattle drive down. But I guess not exchanging and incarceration weren’t big enough sticks. Crazy. As we say on the ranch: that bull is plumb loco. By the way, don’t think they didn’t try the carrot. They always try the carrot before the stick. If these cowpokes are hellbent on going to Boot Hill, we have just the sheriff who will carry out that request. And we’ll all just chalk it up to just living in the old West.
We’re told this whole enchilada is a case study of how does a slave species overcome their oppressors after 13,000 years of domination. Not only are all galactic eyes both above and below on us, but the eyes and the text books of future generations on planets far far away are on Paddys pub as well. So what do we want to tell them? Or better yet, what do we want to show them? Do we want to show them a timid scared species that allowed themselves to get sand kicked in our faces? Or do we want to show them a rag tag bunch who came together and stood up to oppression? The Guardians of the Galaxy or the Bad News Bears who against all odds, because they refused to back down, emerged victorious against a mighty force? So if the bickering hurts your eyes, please keep in mind, we are the example for future slaves that they can stand up and demand that enough is enough. There’s something bigger at stake here. They’re going to be teaching this at the academy, dude!
On a personal note, I feel I must address something I wrote in a past post. I wrecklessly used the word “dude” in 2 consecutive sentences. It’s unforgiveable. However, in my defense, I was channeling the spirit of Jeff Spicoli after watching Fast Times At Ridgemont High. (ps whoever got that on HBO, thanks. One reference and it magically shows up. It was a fun walk down memory lane. But I digress).
There’s no excuse and I hope you can find it in your hearts to give me a pass. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
Back to the ranch….. In the wild wild west, there’s probably one rule that rules over all the other rules: You mess with the bull, you get the horns……dude.
And that’s the word